Lets start off easy and then we will get to the hard stuff….

1. DO NOT ever, I repeat EVER leave your house without deodorant on. You would think this is common sense right? NOPE, and nothing pisses people off more than a stinky onion/dog turdy smell. For the love of God how do you not smell that and shame on your sucky friends for not letting you know your underarms smell like onions.  Looks like you need a shower and a new crew.  Or do us all a favor, find the nearest bathroom and take a whores bath, stat.

2. If you’re a geek and google how to behave in public, E-how suggests that you contain your excitement, not speak or laugh too loud, be courteous of others and don’t swear or use offensive gestures…eh scratch that! Everyone loves some good energy and laughing is contagious so throw your middle finger up and make it happen…unless you have an obnoxious story that no one wants to hear or you have a high pitched voice your pretty much in the clear…next thing you should be googling is appropriate topics to speak loudly about, and your lousy sex life/how many cats you have is NOT on the list so either be entertaining or just shut the F up. (Don’t worry if kids are around, they need to learn how to swear sooner than later anyway)
3. Everyone loves a little public tonguing but some people have just lost their damn minds. Sometimes I really think they are contemplating putting the P in the V right there with the chick they roofied from Club Douchebag. I get it, I mean Goose can get ya girl feelin loose but c’mon bro, take the last train back to Jersey, and creep into the backdoor of your parents house to bust a L on her Ts.  PDAs are most of the time, barf worthy.

4 Nothing is worse than people being unaware of where they are. Lets say you are on some public transportation, chances are you are extremely close to a lot of other people so let’s quickly go over what you shouldn’t be doing:

Talking on your blue tooth, eating messy food, coughing all over the place, CLIPPING YOUR NAILS, popping your gum, singing whatever song is your ipod out loud, taking up two seats, staring at anyone, trying to shoot up, reading your neighbors newspaper, tapping, whistling, letting your kids run wild, picking your nose…and yes I’ve witnessed these things!! Know where you are and stop being a weirdo!

5. Last but not least…Don’t be a jerk off!  I know you learned everything you know from Jersey Shore or the Real Douchebags of Orange County, but fighting or arguing like a little bitch is not hot.  Whether you are the customer, at work, or just existing in the world, be a nice person. Open doors, give compliments, say please and thank you, don’t snap your fingers at people, smile, tip when appropriate and remember manners are good, regardless of what tv is teaching the world today.

Doesn’t seem too hard right! If everyone just applied one of these to your everyday life the world would be that much closer to being an even more lovely place and I would be verbally assaulting a lot less people :) Go out there and make me proud!